In my work and life, I have always been in pursuit of the transformational experience, not only for myself, but also to facilitate this in others. Although I was not always aware of it, my art has always been in the service of holistic wellbeing. Most recently I have been consciously working on multi-generational healing across time.

I struggle with genetically inherited bi-polar mental illness and a seemingly intractable case of Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. Some days are breakdown days, some days are exquisite, and most days are somewhere in the middle. We are constantly in a state of flux. We are fluid. We are Matter and Energy constantly rearranging itself. We are multifaceted and multidimensional. More is going on than what is seen on the surface.

I have been leaving my body or collapsing within since the age of three. There is a spectrum of depression. I have experienced major depressive episodes from my teenage years on. This means sleeping about twenty hours a day for one to three weeks. This type of depression has become less frequent for me over the decades. During my twenties I experienced two or three major depressions every year. It was only about ten or fifteen years ago I began to understand how mania fit in to the picture.

I do not think art is separate from life and think of it more as an experience, a way of viewing and perceiving.

I don’t know exactly how it works, this healing across time that I’m referring to when I say I am writing this for my past and future selves.

Here is a my understanding of time and how healing across time may be possible:

From what little I comprehend of advanced physics, time isn’t linear. I picture linear time like a roll of quarters in a paper sleeve; but non-linear time more like if you were in zero gravity and you take the roll of quarters, peel off the paper, gather the quarters into your hands and throw them up into the air. Now freeze that mental picture of all those quarters suspended in space. Those are moments.

Now draw an imaginary line from each quarter to the other quarters. It forms a sort of web or net. And since we are in zero gravity these quarters are moving around causing the imaginary web of lines to fluctuate and flow. I picture my energy and intention and love radiating out from the present moment, or quarter if you will, which is now, flowing along these imaginary lines to moments of the past and future, the other quarters. That’s how this healing across time works, for me anyway.

But maybe the quarters metaphor isn’t the right one. Quarters are too uniform.

Some moments are hard to get through, they seem like a quarter that is the size of the Sahara desert and you are attempting to cross it on foot.

Some moments stand out so bright and shiny, more like a sparkling jewel or star. The memories of pleasure and love and intensity of those moments make my body reverberate even now.

Some years feel like a state of limbo, a sort of dreamworld or nether region.

From the Domain of Paula.

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