Detail of The Paula Lalala MVSEVM

Internal Organ, 1991

(Photo by Masha Avina)

 

Taking care of things.

Sometimes I like to clean. I like the touch of warm soapy water, and the feeling of vigorous movement as I scrub and wring and wipe. I like to see things progress from a mild state of entropy and decay to sparkling freshness. There is a brief moment of order, and then things move back towards chaos. Now I think that this movement back and forth is what is called balance, but I used to think balance was some version of perfect order.

Sometimes I love chaos. I get into mildly manic states where I push my body and mind towards the edge of my limits. It is a wild ride with the thrill of flitting here and there. There is a tension – a taught sense of trying to maintain control while simultaneously pushing things further out of order. In this state things, places, events, and actions reverberate with a sense of connectedness and layers and layers of meaning; randomness and chance reveal the web of life.

Recklessness can be part of the thrill of chaos,  Danger can accompany you with each step; will this be the instant when you should have slowed down and paid more attention? Accident, injury, harm can arise when one goes to far. This the rule of chaos.

The tide turns and then we find that  destruction brings order. Purging and eliminating lead to a sense of simplicity. Perhaps the difference between chaos and order has to do with intention, or perhaps control. If things are out of control chaos reigns and this can lead to unintended loss. If we seek order we intentionally destroy and eliminate.

From the Domain of Paula.

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